I've been ruminating on this post for a while, hence my recent absence from the blogosphere. Sorry if this post is a bit rambling. I want to write about something I think is the undercurrent of all my contemplation on education. Do I trust my child when it comes to her education? Are children in general to be trusted?
If you asked me that when I taught first grade in the Bronx (about children in general, my kids weren't born yet then) the answer would have been a resounding "no." I went to work everyday thinking that I had 24 to 28 little adults who needed to be cajoled, prodded, and forced (sometimes by any means necessary) to do things (read, write, do math, stand in a line, sit quietly, refrain from threatening suicide) they really didn't want to do. Learning is hard work, I reasoned, and people are generally averse to hard work. I know I am. I started to re-think that when I was teaching pre-k, but I didn't really understand where that line of thought was taking me until I had kids, and really, until I met good friends who think about this sort of thing all the time.
I trust that my kids are going to develop certain skills without much, or really, any help from me. I trust they are going to walk, talk, eat, potty train, sing, ask "why," and develop their own personal interests. Why is it that I don't have to offer my one-year-old a sticker or a smiley face to get her to walk? Why does my four-year-old ask why constantly, without punishing her if she doesn't? Sure, I have to guide my kids, give them opportunities to do these things. I have to talk to my kids to help them learn to talk, offer them the potty when I think they have to pee, answer my daughter when she asks "why" for the bazillionth time. But coercion is not part of that equation. So why is learning to read or add or follow the scientific method any different? If I simply give my kids the opportunity to learn these things, with no pressure from me, will they? Will they know what questions to ask? Will they do the hard cognitive work it takes to practice and perfect skills? The answer at the moment is, I don't know.
A friend of mine has been giving me a ton of workbooks and learning materials recently and my daughter is all over this stuff, maybe partly because it comes from her "big sister," as she likes to call my friend's daughter. My daughter has literally been begging me to do a workbook with her. She's developed an interest in letters and writing (mostly her name) and has perfected writing a pretty awesome letter "e," something she struggled with just a few weeks ago. All with little more than the provision of writing materials and modest praise. So, yes, I guess I do trust my daughter to learn to read and write, to a certain level. But do I trust her to want to read and write well? To learn grammar? Algebra? Chemistry? Those are certainly things I had no interest in learning. And now, as an adult, there are things I'd like to learn, but lack the energy and discipline to sit down and learn them. At the end of the day, I'd rather switch off the old brain, put my feet up, and do something mindless. Why should I expect my kids to be different?
And although I trust my kids to want to be "grown up" sometimes (impetus to learn a great many things, I think), there are plenty of things I don't trust them to do. I don't trust them to know when they're tired, or when something is unsafe. I don't trust them to know how many cookies are too many, or when they need a bath. Maybe these things will come in time, but until then, I have to force them to do these things. Will I have to force them to learn? If I let them lead, I'm sure they'll learn a lot, but will that give them a complete education, by which I mean, will they develop the knowledge and skills necessary to be happy, fulfilled, and productive adults? And how will they learn to do things they don't want to do but are necessary, like clean the house, take out the garbage, and do everything a boss asks them to do, even if it seems unproductive or unnecessary?
These are the hard questions I ask myself as I start to think about what kind of schooling will be best for my kids. I wish there were a perfect balance between letting my kids completely take the lead, and sending them to a school where they'll strive for grades instead of mastery. Maybe there is. I have a lot to learn.
I have a lot to say about this, as you know, but my first question, and I really mean it, is whether you truly believe algebra is necessary to being a happy, fulfilled, productive adult. I don't think that you can trust your children to learn the exact things you want. Or to want the things you want. But I think you CAN trust them to learn the things THEY want. The trust comes in believing that's the right thing for THEM, and that it can lead you both down unexpected roads of inquiry and experience. And maybe, when they get to your ripe old age, they'll still have the spark of learning, because they won't have been brought up to believe that learning is the drudgery you do before you get to veg out in front of the television. xo
ReplyDeleteoh, johanna, you raise many, many wonderful ideas for prolonged and thoughtful perusal and continued conversation! i ask many of those same questions myself about my own children on a frequent basis (especially when i am agonizing over a decision i need to make).
ReplyDeletemaybe it would be helpful for you to consider that their life-long learning experiences (you probably know that i don't believe that an "education" is ever "complete" even if someone gives me a piece of paper that says i am "done") have a whole range of possibilities in between the extremes of letting them completely take the lead and sending them to school for the purpose of grade achievement. and that your girls may desire and need vastly different experiences to meet their own individual needs. and that those desires and needs probably will change along the way as they grow and develop and discover more about themselves (as will yours, mind you).
the saying "a mother's work is never done" comes to mind. ;) yes, these thoughts can be exhausting, but these questions you ask yourself are important and worthy of your careful consideration. take heart in the fact that you are already the girls' first - and best - teacher. trust in yourself that you can and will continue to guide them as they find their way in the world.
Thanks, Johanna, for another wonderful post. You say you're rambling, but your writing always seems so well-thought. You make me think and want to put into words my own ideas and assumptions about your topics.
ReplyDelete"Sure, I have to guide my kids, give them opportunities to do these things. I have to talk to my kids to help them learn to talk. . . But coercion is not part of that equation. . . . Will they know what questions to ask?"
This really stood out to me. I believe in this for all learning. You are already guiding a desire to learn to read and write; by reading to them, by letting them see you read, by making your own writing a priority. I don't believe trusting our children to learn means sitting back and waiting for it to happen.
I bet you're not forcing, them, either, to do things they don't want to do, or don't perceive that they need. You are encouraging, cajoling, guiding. . . sometimes insisting. La Leche League talks about knowing our own children best. We do know our children. YOU know YOUR children. You know that they haven't yet developed the sense to know when it's time to bathe, that they don't yet have the body awareness to know that it's time to eat, that they don't have the experience to know not to touch a hot stove. And you know when one is ready to learn something, like writing an "e". I bet you didn't force her to do that; you observed her readiness & guided her. And when she was ready, both in interest and development, she learned easily. How easy would it be to teach that to her little sister? But you wouldn't think to try, I suspect, because you know her, you know she's not ready for this!
I think another big piece of the equation is trusting ourselves. This is so challenging because we have all learned from our own educational experiences that learning is something that is done to us, instead of something we do for ourselves. It's harder when your educational background is IN education. So often, educating my children means letting go of my own indoctrination. Do they need to read at 5 to be successful adults? Do they need to know how to do long division at all (hmm, when was the last time I did long division)? What about cursive? If they are excited and motivated, isn't it more important to spend a year exploring ancient Egyptian history than moving onto knights and castles, even though that means my "plans" don't get followed? WILL they know what questions to ask? Who gets to decide what the RIGHT questions are? How many children in traditional schools stop asking questions because when it's not the "right" question, they are ignored or scolded? What does successful mean? Do I feel successful? And this goes right back to your post on Sept. 20th . . . am I successful when my 4+ years of post-secondary education is being used to raise and educate 3 children? Shouldn't my children get to choose what "success" means to them, just as I get to choose what it means to me?
It's HARD to trust ourselves & our children with their learning. It would be so much easier to read a lesson plan, "okay, today's the 25th day of 5th grade so we do XXX." Instead, we watch our children. We pay attention to their interests. We "give them opportunities" with books, museum visits, classes, real life experiences so they can discover & explore those interests. We see what they're on the verge of learning and we guide (force?) them sometimes when they are reluctant to take the next big step in learning. Sounds a lot like parenting!
i came across this post from another blog i follow. i think it addresses quite a few of the issues you raise here and more. food for thought. http://www.mommy-labs.com/inspiring-interviews/homeschooling-inspiring-interviews/interview-with-sandra-dodd-unschooling-homeschooling-india/
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